“I’m 100% done with this,” says Genevieve, whose family is in the 1%. 

The black hole has obtained so much mass that it’s gravitational pull is stronger than ever. This explains Penn’s rising tuition.

The upcoming midterm will consist of long-form response questions, diagram drawing, and every other question type seemingly handpicked to make your life just a little more inconvenient.

But look. I think we can do even better. Why would we stop at one wildly dangerous, devastating illness when we could do more?

We call on the great silent majority, the privileged students of Penn: Be loud. Be proud. Never forget that you, above everyone else, matter.

Students from the class were willing to confirm that Owens conveys roughly as much useful information during his Twitch rants on Belle Delphine as he ever did during a regular recitation.  

 The professor will remain anonymous for his own sake, but he knows damn well who he is. 

As Rachel Connolly (E ‘22)  slurped, slopped, and slogged back her plate of spaghetti, it was difficult for anyone to focus on what was being presented on the slides. People attempted to type in chat to draw her attention to heroically save her from a lifetime of embarrassment but to no avail. 

With grocery stores across the globe failing to meet the demand for toilet-paper, Penn officials slept soundly knowing their student body was provided with a stockpile of paper materials.

Yup. Exactly the same. No differences here. Same color too. Oh, wait... is that crack new? No, that’s been there since middle school. Right, right.

He opened the door and faced the harshness of the elements. It was a sunny day, 78 degrees, and the sun was blinding. Was this God’s punishment? Indeed. 

 “Oh yeah,” he responded. “I also bought this AK-47. Just in case, you know.”  

“Baby, I don’t think that’s your last cigarette.”

We are the real virus... :/

TAKE THIS TIME TO COME CLOSER HIM, TO FIND HIS SALVATION. 

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Although the participants candidly admitted they could not predict the future of their projects, they all felt this experience would have long term and sustainable impacts on how they approach their work once they begin as consultants for McKinsey.

Always appearing at official university functions, but only from a distance. So rarely seen that meeting her around campus is a newsworthy event — one that must be documented with photographic evidence for your peers.

Spearman displayed several shirts over Zoom. "I just want you guys to know how bad it is out here on the front lines." Indeed, one shirt asked the viewer to "find x" in the style of an algebra problem, while simultaneously circling the letter "x" in red. Truly horrifying.

That girl from your chem class that had to get her eyes rinsed three times this semester? Definitely knows she deserves a B- at best. And for you, the one person in your class that actually gets your work done on time and perfectly crafts every essay and problem set despite being drunk or hungover the entire weekend? The coveted A+, reserved for only the worthiest of students.