Most Recent
Don’t Want To Be A Soldier? No Worries! Here’s a Guide to Self-Injury
While my haters may say making jokes about World War III is disrespectful, I’m here to say that this is no joke. As someone who has dodged the draft over 12 times and disrespects the troops at every possible waking moment, this is made in pure earnest in order to help my fellow countrymen disavow their own personal and local military industrial complex.
Gay Rights! LGBT Center to Introduce Poppers on Tap
The party drug, popular amongst queers and avant-garde heterosexuals, will now be supplied on tap at the LGBT Center. Drop by with your reusable vial and fill up!
My Outstretched, Personable Hand to Begin Accepting Dining Dollars
Just think of all the food that I will be able to enjoy. Margherita pizzas. Premium bento boxes. Whatever they sell at 34th Street Carvery. Your generous donation of dining dollars will make all the difference.
Senior Denied AI Internship by AI Interviewer
He thought he had nailed the interview, only to receive a short rejection response just .32 seconds after hanging up through Skype.
Dear Professor: I Am But a Poor Orphan Boy. Pathetic Human Garbage. For the Love of God. Let Me Into This Recitation.
I clambered into this world a cold, disgusting little worm man. Even the mound of garbage from which I was created could not bare to house me. And so, like the near-sighted, mud-dwelling mole that I am, I gnarled my way through the heap and into the blinding sun.
Sorority Rush Man on the Street
Joseph Elston talks to the future leaders of Penn's Panhellenic societies.
West & Down Man on the Street
Joseph Elston goes to West & Down as the Man on the Street.
MKTG 101 Students Buckle Down for a Group Project
I'll just make a Google doc.
Ghost Finders: David Rittenhouse Laboratory
UTB Sends in their Top-Rated Ghost Finder Team to DRL.
Pool Party Man on the Street
UTB took to Pool Party to investigate why no one swims in the pool.
Inside the Mask and Wig Pitch Room
The Mask and Wig Club, a private club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, founded in 1889, is the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States. Here is an inside look into the minds behind the production.
Formal Fail: Champagne and Shackled to a Radiator
Worst blind date I've ever been on.
Huge L: Student Flubs Every Locust Interaction on Way to Class
We're going to take Locust today. It's going to be fine.
Coffee Chat: Carson Kahoe on Why He's Breaking Up with His Girlfriend
UTB's resident bon-vivant Lauren Sorantino sat down with Carson Kahoe, the Director of Without a Net, for the third episode of UTB Coffee Chats, brought to you by Gia Pronto Kitchen.
Coffee Chat: Julia Bell on All the Things No One is Talking About
UTB Reporter Lauren Sorantino sat down with Julia Bell from Bloomers for yet another episode of UTB Coffee Chats, brought to you by Gia Pronto Kitchen.
