Marketing professor Barbara Kahn put it plainly: "I don't know what the fuck they were thinking."

Just last week, light struck me. 

They told me that if I'm looking to sing Disney songs, then Penn Disney A Cappella isn't the place for me. Penn Disney A Cappella is the place for hardcore deviant sex.

It's Time to Choose.

When polled, students reported being extremely jealous of the student's incredible accomplishment: not the fact that they ran a grueling 13.1 miles straight, but their newfound ability to eat a full pint of Ben & Jerry’s Tonight Dough guilt-free. 

This will give students a staggering thirty extra seconds of exposure to the finest mental health resource out there: artificial LED light.

I know one thing will always be there for me: my culturally diverse but also culturally sensitive but also culturally accommodating Grommons frozen meal exchange section. 

I had to look up what "poverty" was in the dictionary. I wad appalled when I read the definition. 

I don't think it helped that I was meowing instead of speaking... 

If you're going to talk in the quiet car at least make it about something cool like insider trading. 

What happens when they do inevitably write the complete works of Shakespeare?

We’ll miss you, you crazy kid

Beth from Bainbridge street is so valid.

Who needs a Penn card when you have a credit card?!!

There is a lot at stake in this upcoming election. Our democracy is on the ballot, and so is your right for me not to fill your lungs with more metal than a vape.

please

Nobody said “no diddy.” It was bad.  

Although the portrait of the Meiklejohns can be offputting, UTB assures you that they’re pretty chill once you get to know them. 

This little guy's been with her through thick and thin. And, he has the scars to prove it: a small tear from years of loving hugs, a scratched glass-eye from falling out the car window on a family road-trip, and now, a crusty patch of fur from Amanda’s recent situationship.

They will tell their bouncer to kindly inform all attendees that a “special guest” may be showing up.