“Coke night"... No one thought the line-up could refer to something so sinister–even cocaine has zero calories.

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime. 

2gether 4ever muahmuah

COOPER DEJEAN. PICK SIX. TOUCHDOWN. Your erect penis has ripped a hole straight through the front of your jeans.

 ALERT! You're not being elusive!! He thinks you're really weird!!

The student was shocked but remained calm, knowing the roach was dangerous and not to be provoked.

When reached for comment, a representative of The DP replied “申し訳ありませんが、英語は話せません。”

After a surprising number of rush chairs and presidents took PHIL 1000, they realized that hazing is — at best — morally questionable and perhaps wrong.

Welcome to Rodin College House, where ambition meets concrete.

Order comes amidst fears of coming closure.

Marketing professor Barbara Kahn put it plainly: "I don't know what the fuck they were thinking."

Just last week, light struck me. 

They told me that if I'm looking to sing Disney songs, then Penn Disney A Cappella isn't the place for me. Penn Disney A Cappella is the place for hardcore deviant sex.

It's Time to Choose.

When polled, students reported being extremely jealous of the student's incredible accomplishment: not the fact that they ran a grueling 13.1 miles straight, but their newfound ability to eat a full pint of Ben & Jerry’s Tonight Dough guilt-free. 

This will give students a staggering thirty extra seconds of exposure to the finest mental health resource out there: artificial LED light.

I know one thing will always be there for me: my culturally diverse but also culturally sensitive but also culturally accommodating Grommons frozen meal exchange section. 

I had to look up what "poverty" was in the dictionary. I wad appalled when I read the definition. 

I don't think it helped that I was meowing instead of speaking... 

If you're going to talk in the quiet car at least make it about something cool like insider trading.