According to sources deep within Penn's administration, Wharton intends to use the funds to acquire Baltic Avenue for their new hotel project.

Golding was pleased with her magnum opus for about 10 months before her pride turned to indifference, dislike, disgust, then finally repulsion.

At Penn, Liang is a biannually participating member of Penn Outdoors and a thrice-rejected submitter to Penn Review. He got cut from both ZBT and Phi after two rounds of open rush.

If you scream when the guard opens your butt, you will be permanently banned from the library. 

The Penn Glee Club made history by integrating women and dancers and the frat brothers that sell you weed and Poles and do-gooders and freshmen that got fucked over in housing selection and God-fearers and more God-fearers and the people that are most likely to have weapons on campus and soon-to-be unemployed students and fat skanks into their historically TTBB choir. 

You loved him. He averaged around 50 hours before he texted you back each time. You did not once experience orgasm during sex with him. What a king!

She lamented her harrowing life as a young white girl. 

At this point, Lopez requested a nicotine break. 

In addition to the rebrand of their store name, they will be offering complimentary hits of poppers to all customers, expanding their jockstrap collection, and offering discounts on ketamine after your tenth purchase.

They are, in essence, pigs rolling around in a trough.

After Amy Gutmann's recent viewing of Footloose (1984) and her subsequent conversion to Christianity, she updated the Campus Compact to reflect the rules upheld in Elmore City: no dancing and absolutely no rock-and-roll music.

Instead of society deeming him undesirable and unworthy of getting intimate with another human being, Jared will not be fucking to honor his Savior Jesus Christ instead.

I found this website called Corona Cures XXX that gave a lot of cures that haven’t been circulated by mainstream medicine, among other things. 

Companies will appreciate your forward-thinking and might even take your initiative into account when they consider your application.  

For all the anti-vaxxers, anti-waxxers, anti-inheritance-taxxers, and anti-sexual-climaxxers out there - do you commonly find yourself wishing that you too had equal access to life-threatening blood clots?

Thanks to the McIlhenny Company, Fortson’s cooking has been made tolerable for the past couple of weeks.

 Star students Pfizer and Moderna scored 95 on the first midterm while JnJ bombed to a 70. Forced to swallow their pride, JnJ panic-switched to pass/fail the night of the deadline.  

This past weekend I got the chance to play Never Have I Ever with Penn Class of 2025...the entire Penn Class of 2025. 

 I sprinted into the convention center and plowed through the military guy that was managing the line. I sprinted down the hallway with no regard for any of the other patients. I hurdled the fences like I was a fucking Olympic athlete.  

Even after the 13–hour is up, the jouissance of EAST & UP is far from over.