Report: New UTB Staff Writer Patrick Rich Actually Very Cool, Nice
Several informants confirmed that Patrick could often be seen looking cool while being nice to people around campus.
Several informants confirmed that Patrick could often be seen looking cool while being nice to people around campus.
On Friday, the details for dismantling the United States were summarized, but the full report won’t be released until the following month.
Several informants confirmed that Patrick could often be seen looking cool while being nice to people around campus.
After tying the game 2-2, things went downhill fast for Penn. In the top of the 4th inning, Mr. Richard sent the hounds. With their three best hitters up to bat next, the team of scrappy, prepubescent boys put up eight runs in that inning alone, essentially ending the game.
On Friday, the details for dismantling the United States were summarized, but the full report won’t be released until the following month.
McElhanney adopted the misguided idea that his students had the time or desire to read a book a week after gaining tenure and forgetting the feeling of stress.
Although the days might be growing shorter, the sunlight dimmer, and the leaves browner, something is a bit off about this fall season. It might be the fact that it’s October and still 85 degrees outside. You can’t even walk to class without people wondering whether you’ve gotten a new Glossier delivery or you just really sweat that much.
As a result of his increased feigning of self-perception, Istem has found himself surrounded by women who are now suddenly attracted to him.
In this wholly unprecedented turn, Furda looked in the mirror and saw a man capable of possessing both power and penitence. Acknowledging that his public tirade at the Philadelphia Eagles game was demeaning to the local sports community and the city as a whole, he defied nearly 300 years of university policy.
So you’ve been talking to a guy for a little bit, but you just can’t tell how boujee he really is.
Here he is at the Maclay family reunion last September.
Has your guest every been to Six Flags Magic Mountain? That makes a difference in which tiny piece of paper I give them to put in a basket literally seven feet away. Oh wait, it’s a Tuesday before 2pm? Then I’m going to need your mother’s maiden name as well.
Carlos Howard is only a freshman, but he’s already in three clubs, and all three of them use Slack. It goes without saying that Carlos is very important and constantly busy.
John read five pages of his pop-psych freshman writing seminar book, then wrote down all of his tasks for that day, then decided that he was sad, so he picked up his things and headed back to Penn’s campus.
Jenny decided to pick up a Fujifilm disposable to take cute pics of her friends drinking various types of spiked seltzer.
As midterms season approaches, superstitious freshmen are more diligent than ever in their evasion of the compass. Unfortunately, spotted lanternflies have recognized this trend and are using it to further their agenda for survival, reproduction, and ecological destruction.
Last Thursday, eyes from all around the classroom table peered enviously at Jesse Babin (C ‘22) as he flawlessly interpreted and explained a passage from Robert Smithson’s “Hotel Palenque,” effectively stealing the metaphorical spotlight in the room.
However, we no longer live in a binary society of bashful woman and charming men. What about the coy gay bottoms and the dashing lesbian tops? What about the couples looking for a third? What about the little pig boys searching for the boots of a goddess to lick?
Rogerson High School had been down 20-24 in the fourth quarter against their rivals, Ridgeport High School, with just 12 seconds on the clock. The team had the ball at its own 30-yard line, and prospects were grim. That’s when Coach Matt told the team to play a hail mary like they’d practiced.
According to Campus Recreation Director Dr. Saul Marsh, “the gym basically goes empty after week one.
Sometimes, when she pulls the short straw and winds up with an anxiety attack, she starts sweating and drops a class.
But as you begin your search for primary sources, you start to notice your partner acting a bit strangely. Clenched jaw, twitchy fingers, darting eyes…wait a second. Could it be? Is your partner speedrunning Minesweeper instead of working on the presentation? Take this quiz to find out!