News
Weaponized Incompetence: Professor Doesn’t Put Syllabus in Syllabus Section of Canvas
These fearless students waded through the swampy waters of Modules and Files to track down an odd little Excel sheet named “GradingRubricFINALDRAFT2.xlsx”
Sophomore Who Double Paid For On-Campus Dorm and Chestnut Apartment Still Really Passionate About UC Townhomes Crisis
“It’s just crazy how limited available housing is these days,” Davis said as she walked from her Chestnut apartment living room, past the guest bedroom, and into her master bedroom.
My Roommate Did Something Genius And I Will Never Forgive Her
Det. Kreuger would like to note suspect was really chill and cool and fun.
BREAKING: Armed With Nuclear Warheads, Rival Sororities Compete for Fall Bake Sale ARCH Patio Space
Nothing screams Delta Delta Delta like a W88 for UGM-133 Trident II SLBM warhead!
Ciao, Bella! Girl Misses First Three Weeks of Class, Still on Island Time from Summering in Capri
The water there is just so clear. Almost, like a bottle of Voss, but not quite.
Report: Record Number of Penn Students to Enlist in the IDGAF War
Even Obama is gagging, diva.
Health Inspectors "Take It All Back" Now That Commons Moved Dessert Section Four Feet Left
We cry out and Penn Dining responds: "We hear you!"
“Sometimes, A Drink Feels Like Family” & Other Non-Concerning Statements to Help You During Rush
Are you an absolute loser who’s still lugging it through the final parts of rushing & aren’t sure if you’ll make it? Don’t worry! We got you covered.
“Let’s Get Drinks After This!” and Other Ways to End Your Last Appointment After You Age Out of Your Pediatricians Practice
Send out that When to Meet, sync your GCals, and enjoy your new best friend!
It Be My Great Fortuna! Hot Girl in My Marketing Class Says She Supports Labor
Oh Herr Engels, Herr Marx, Chairman, Uncle Ho. I thank thee for my great fortuna. Margaret from Ohio does indeed support labor.
Gunboat Diplomacy: Study Abroad Soft Launches About as Soft as Opening of Japan by US Navy Commodore Matthew C. Perry
Each time I see the oh so not recognizable Amalfi Coast, a discreet half image of Big Ben, or the completely unfamiliar Sydney Opera House, my mind fills with textbook figures of gouty white men in uniforms stepping out of armed ships and [ACTION REQUIRED] emails.
New Student's Growing Imposter Syndrome Stupid And Lame Compared To Friends' More Valid and Better Imposter Syndrome
They literally don’t belong here.
Penny For Your Thoughts; Miss, For a Dollar; And Other Ways to Ask for a Letter of Recommendation
Imagine you came up with these awesome email ideas but are still struggling to get that letter. You’re seeing people around you. They’re going to career fairs. Where are you? Wilcaf. Writing satire. They have jobs. You don’t. They’ve been accepted to their abroad programs. You haven’t.
Op-Ed: I’m Going Abroad to Gregory College House
I want to explore the world! I want my mind, body, and soul to experience different environments, different cultures, different halal carts, even!
DRL’s Exposed Lead Pipes Reported to Cause Hallucinations: Students Claiming Encounters with Mythical Beings such as Attractive Math Majors and Clean Engineers
In response to this crisis, Penn has decided to remove all plumbing in DRL until 2028.
Photo Essay: A Tour of Penn's Campus with Coin for Scale
Now you know how large these buildings are, as well as the color of my nails.
Rookie Mistake: Freshman Confused Why NOTO So Hard To Find at “Club” Fair
The people manning the booths were completely unfashionable and some clubs – see MERT – even prided themselves on NOT being drinking clubs.
After SFFA v. Harvard, What’s Next for Affirmative Action at Penn? We Asked Two White Guys and the Daughter of a Shanghainese Billionaire
Through candid conversation, a consensus emerges: we should have affirmative action for rich people.
Breaking: MERT to Implement Appointment-Only Booking System
Just like other highly effective and admirable organizations here (I'm looking at you, CAPS), MERT understands the basics of supply and demand.
New Survey Finds Penn Students Chill AF, Move Different, Smoke That Chronic
Magill responded to the findings via IG story: "We are so back."