Since when does being unaffiliated with Greek life also mean being inconsiderate?

"Good news was I finished my homework. Bad news was, I failed the class and missed all of winter break."

Believing the sign to actually signify that all drugs on campus were free and, perhaps, even provided to students, Caulfield immediately set his sights on the school.

We convinced him that we’re all going to be somewhere between homeless and disowned after graduation. I think Mattie’s got this great story about a felony conviction.

Ja Rule simply stated that Fling 2019 will be "Fyre."

Once this policy is in place, any patrons who have not enrolled in two-step verification will be unable to access Smokey Joe's or utilize any of its resources. Violations are punishable by I.D. bend and permanent banishment.

In that moment we were so thirsty and feeling so naughty that we knew that we had to steal it or else we would literally combust.

And who's this running in from the back? Why, none other than President Amy Gutmann, a permanent job contract resting in her hand. “You’ve done our Penn community well, Brandon,” Gutmann said with a smile.

In the spirit of giving, UTB is here to help you d-bags out. It was hard to narrow down the five best windows out of the 1,366,475 windows on campus, but after great deliberation we have compiled a list.

Gutmann and the Board of Trustees have sought to boost erotica consumption through the Power of Porn campaign.

Despite multiple security guards protecting Simmons from his fellow patrons at Tap House, they could not prevent a few unwelcome comments from being hurled at the NBA player from across the bar. The first of which came from lifelong Sixers fan Dan Spagnola (C ‘19) who yelled at the pass-first point guard to “take more shots.”

Sadly, Webster’s only lifeline was his now ex-girlfriend, Miranda Sheath who had "had it up to here with Cole’s drunken bullshit." But left with no other choice, Webster made the call as Howie Mandel hummed the Deal or No Deal theme song to himself, applying ample hand sanitizer all the while.

The sheer number of consultants working in ten years will necessitate that they work for each other.

On behalf of the Penn community, I vehemently condemn their actions over the last two years, and implore you to unsubscribe and down-vote their videos. 

They have dedicated the six weeks until spring break to wholeheartedly morphing into French children. Preparation for the performance includes weekly Parc brunches, mixers with Euro Penn, and developing a rather dangerous addiction to cigarettes.

Freshmen agree: our staff just hasn’t been shouting loudly enough.

Talking about going to events and never showing up is basically the norm, so I can just make up plans for the weekend and if anyone calls me on it I can just say that I got tired!

Once inside, a fraternity house’s visual experience typically includes at least three pieces of taxidermy, and enough platforms to make the entire floor one large elevated surface.

We recognize that PennInTouch has been a little outdated ever since its inception, so we are turning it over to the experts that really pioneered website design. The green and the pink of the availability chart just complement each other so well, and we want to bring this award-winning design to PennInTouch.

The Penn Administration, in a vote of 23-13, voted against the bill, leaving the University in a state of crisis.