That’s when Brown decided to move into a house with a family of endangered Panamanian sloths.

“I just sometimes feel like I was admitted by mistake,” Jones explained. “Not just ‘sometimes,’ actually. I regularly feel that way."

In a press release today, Smirnoff announced it would be making a larger serving size of its popular drink, the Ice. 

Tens, maybe-but-probably-not hundreds, of students on campus rejoiced this evening when Penn men's basketball upset reigning NCAA national champion Villanova and shocked the world (except the three DP sports writers who "predict" every year that Penn will beat 'Nova — they totally called it).

No doubt about it, CIS major and entrepreneur Joey Freeman (E ‘21, W '21) means business.

A recent announcement may finally quell some worries: Trump has ordered that the nation's supply of windmills be relocated to the high-rise wind tunnel.

Known to most students for speaking at convocation and co-signing emails with President Amy Gutmann, Pritchett spends his the bulk of his time these days lounging in his den.

Caught between a turnstile refusing to read his PennCard and the continuous shuffling of students in the midst of finals, Samuelson found himself briefly — but blissfully — pressed up against the softness of the Canada Goose jacket worn by the second person in line. 

Penn is adding yet another iconic public figure to its esteemed group of Presidential Professors of Practice.

When Latisha Montgomery (C ’20) went on a date with Vanessa Laurel-Smith (W ’19), she rightly assumed that her date (the daughter of the plastic tycoon Jonathon Smith), would be willing to spoil her a little bit.

College sophomore Claire Sturges already knows what she will wear to her casual hookup's fraternity formal tonight.

In a surprising turn towards environmentalism, University officials announced last Wednesday that the iconic red "tampons" sculpture, which lives by the high rises, would be replaced by a monument to menstrual cups. 

After deciding to wear her new lavender bodysuit she purchased from Urban Outfitters on Black Friday, Rebecca Cartwright (W ‘20) was left to make her usual afternoon coffee-induced defecation fully in the nude.

Vilsack opened up a new document in Google Drive and just started writing.

It came as a bit of a surprise to the other members of the class when one of them seemed a bit too invested in a key component of the source material – the Nazi Party in WWII.

If you thought you were either cool or talented, just wait until you meet Stacy Wilmberg (C ‘18).

The enclosure in Moore where the Electronic Numerical Integrator And Computer (ENIAC) is normally on display now contains a late-20th Century Dell desktop computer.

Two years ago, they were stuck in the middle—not bad enough to disband, but not good enough for anyone to show up to their parties.

"There have been about four flukes at this point, and we’ve all gotten our hopes crushed many times when they eventually rekindled their deniable chemistry."

Jeremy Landis (E ’20) returned to his hometown of Dayton, Ohio this past Thanksgiving break feeling particularly thankful for his Penn education — but mostly for his ability to flex his Ivy League apparel in front of relatives and strangers alike.