Panic quickly devolved into horror in class today as fine arts major April Hubman (C’20) suddenly realized that the abstract algebra class she was in had absolutely nothing to do with abstract art. 

Penn is all about tradition, and the traditions we make together are those which will define us for generations to come.

“Two of the dryers finished drying, can the owners come pick their clothes up,” Werfel wrote passive-aggressively, phone in one hand, stopwatch clutched in the other. “I will wait two minutes before I take matters into my own hands and place them on the counter."

Bring out the big guns and use one or many of these UTI-related exclamations to ward off that creepy guy.

As cuffing season approaches, more and more desperate Penn students find themselves settling for relationships with mediocre hookups.

The Garbage Truck has provided undergraduate squirrels, graduate squirrels, and squirrel faculty with delicious, fresh, and cheap eats. 

Recruiting is rarely kind to anyone.

"I remember asking a question about a homework problem, and a gentleman replied by asking me 'What does it mean to know?'"

Ashley Banks (C ‘20) really wants to save money this semester.

Carol Brown began her collection with her college house t-shirt on her first day on campus.

“I just feel like I have a wandering spirit. I can’t be tied down.” 

Freshman Tanner Johnson (W '22) knew that when he came to Penn, the workload would be difficult.

Johnny Lawson (C '21) takes a sip of gatorade. It’s the fourth quarter, he’s down eight points and it all comes down to this.

It’s official: Katie Landman (W ’21) is now Penn’s female queer icon.

After weeks of non-stop recruiting and programming assignments, the NETS major decided he needed to take a W.

"Frankly, we are shocked by these findings. We always thought sniffling when it gets a little chilly was a result of cocaine usage."

Reaction to the change has been mixed. Much of the outcry has come from alumni who had just bought red and blue apparel for their two-month-old children.

For Engineering freshman Jasper Tisdale, the two weeks allotted for this task still won't be enough. 

With midterm season in full swing, many Penn professors are looking for innovative ways to make things more interesting for themselves.

She was wearing Stan Smiths and would wave flyers in front of passersby, at times even forcing the slips of paper into victims’ mouths.