The bad part about someone watching you do hip thrusts is that you’re doing hip thrusts while someone is watching you.

I don't know how I can go on right now. 

Our endorsement comes at a critical time for democracy. We need to choose progress over stagnation; people over profits; stability over chaos; profits over people; we need to choose [INAUDIBLE MUTTERING] to be the next President of the United States.

Finally I can put several years of elementary school martial arts classes to good use.

enjoy <3

“I’m excited to announce…” Translation: “Please validate me.”

Oh, woe is me! Boohoo! It’s not that deep, bro. You were only with her for 5 years. Get over it.

I have a tattoo behind my ear and I’m still scared of needles and do you believe in false dichotomies?

I’m not sure what type of animal she is but she looks delicious.

This Yom Kippur, I’ll be thanking God for the ultimate gift: repentance and a size 24.

I love John Mayer.

I am the fucking Commons alpha.

Clark doesn’t describe himself as an alcoholic, however; rather, he is a connoisseur of the Lites.

I am fighting for YOUR rights to not be metaphorically —or literally I’m not judging— smacked with dicks of varying sizes in your peripheral vision. 

And this month, it’s getting heavy.

You'd All Be Too Messy

10 tips from the hottest social climbers in University City. 

It's kinda like printing more money but not bad.

And, no, I don’t think it’s because Fleabag and I are both skinny and brunette. 

So much happened last semester and it would take way too long to catch you up. Like Mark, for example, almost got a girlfriend. Twice.