Opinion
I Promise You in Two Years People Will Pay to Get My Girlfriend’s Roman Nose
When I see a button nose it makes me so ill that I just have to throw up in my mouth.
Mom's Pressed! I Snuck Our Dog, Nae-Nae, Into My Carry-on and Moved Her Into the Dorms
Mother, please. I know you’re upset but I hope you’ll understand.
Damn: Exchange Student in Class Not the Sexy Type of Foreign
She was eating boiled potatoes and some sort of dried fish. Gross. Damn. It was like 10:00am.
I Went to a Museum and It Was Really Beautiful How Beautiful I Looked at the Museum
Omg you took pictures of me?
OP-ED: Oh, You Go To School Just Outside of Boston? Like, Tufts?
Boston? Is that in Massachusetts?
Op-Ed: What the Hell is an ABG?
ABG? I think one of my friends interned there last summer.
Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Transforming The Space
How am I supposed to function in a space with the characteristics of a space such as this space here?
Editorial: I Love You. I'm Glad I Exist. Yes, I Will Go to Your Show.
Everything will have been nothing when it is all over. You must do to be. Yes, I will go to Penn Chinese Theatre's fall show.
OP-ED: I Ain’t Got Much, but I'll Always Have My Dunkin’ Boosted Status
Proudly, I #runondunkin
Report: All of Human History to Be Measured by Having Text From Situationship vs. Not Having Text From Situationship
Why is it that when you kiss him you can forget your name?
My Affordable Care Act: I’m Offering $2 Good Morning Texts
The States are most United in their shared touch starved-ness: the source of all health woes.
OP-ED: The Itty Bitty Keypad At Harnwell Seems Rather Bourgeois
Perhaps whatever plastic surgery the keypad of this turnstile got is what fixed all of its problems, and maybe that can be a metaphor for me as well – who will be the plastic surgeon to my heart?
OP-ED: My Name Tent Doesn’t Define Me, My Pensive Sighing Does
The horror, goddam the horror.
OP-ED: My Favorite Bloomers Sketch Was The Land Acknowledgement In The Beginning
I had many laughs.
REPORT: Is That a First Date or Is My Crush Just Coffee Chatting That Double D European Chick?
Is he trying to get a referral to work in asset management, or is he trying to manage her assets?
OP-ED: I Just Saw You Piss On Ben Franklin And You Definitely Need To Hydrate
Come on bro. No way you can tell me you’re proud of that stream.
Depressed Today? You Forgot To Eat a Little Something Something
What you never hear these medicated girls say is, “It’s time to eat a little Something Something!”
I Lived It: Towne 8/10 Discovers They’re a Huntsman 4/10
I showered today. I’m wearing clothes that have been washed within the past five business days. Where is my praise?