I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.

Hey do you have a second? Yea just take your headphones out real quick this’ll only take a minute.

Let's just call the whole thing off. You don’t want my grades to be as bad as the President’s, do you?

The disease can be brutal, but having it makes you realize just how lucky you are to be a living person with hands, feet, and a mouth.

Dear Ari—may I call you Ari? I hope so. I've been a major Arianator ever since I was 15 and really resonated with your hit single "Side to Side."

Um, excuse me. Can I help you? What are you doing?

Look: We are all watching our weight, and some men can’t afford to eat very much of this pussy.

I know that this may be kind of inconvenient for some of you, but I promise I'll circle back with you on Monday. Let's put a pin in whatever we're working on until I get back. Just don't email me, please.

Wawa water is not just for drinking.

Our first date was going so well, so I thought why not take it to the next level and go to a food truck.

Thanks especially to the brothers of Gamma Rho Kappa Kappa Upsilon Phi Beta Beta Beta for putting on this shindig—it’s been a blast.

I really couldn’t imagine myself being any happier here at Penn. I’m so lucky to be in a place that not only allows me to excel academically, but also elevate and find more new interests and passions than my peers!

Hey, friend. I see you’ve finished the problem set due tomorrow.

College is a time full of endless possibilities. It’s very understandable if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the choices your child must navigate. 

Here at Penn we live in more of a petri dish than a melting pot, and so as you slowly fall apart this October and November, check out these 5 supplemental vitamins whose sole function is to keep you operating at a basic human level. 

If you write very lightly, you’ll be able to smoothly erase your entire exam with just this little thing in under 15 minutes.

Looking for the hit of dopamine that comes with the strikethrough of a daunting assignment without doing any additional work? 

When I applied to Penn, I made sure to put the Quad as my top housing priority.

Wow, big flex much?

The weekend is in full swing.