Last year, when he didn’t see his shadow, Pritchett announced that all students should rapidly abandon campus and finish the semester online. 

Get on out there you amylase-generating animals!

There is literally nothing else for me to add to make the situation funnier than it is

“We here at Heirloom-Giant profoundly apologize for this grave error, and want to ensure our customers that it will never happen again.”

Oh, give me a break.

Trump is usually so good at coming up with his own hoaxes so it’s just a little disappointing to see him play into someone else’s this time.

Hey I’m so sorry can you resend me the zoom link for today? Ugh, I know, I don’t know why I keep losing it. 

While rising seniors are struggling with the uncertainty, Penn’s star-studded squad of super super seniors is taking it even harder. 

With his usual summer activities on hold, Josh continues to spend much of his time sitting on the floor of his childhood bedroom with his laptop in his lap and a slight sadness on his face. 

Why write down real, accurate, historical things that have actually happened when you can record the funny things your brain makes up at night?

Despite leaving them in her charging case for thirty-four minutes prior, her milky white listening devices have failed her. 

I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, but the time has come for you to take that towel and put it on the floor to be washed a month from now when you get to it. 

It’s closing time. Like Fresh Grocer or Bobby’s Burgers, time to get gone people.

Caution, bus is turning. Yes, this bus. Turning now. Right now. 

See if you can identify each of these campus structures based on my fine arts degree worthy drawing of it. Slide the slider back and forth over each picture to reveal the answer!

So when I logged in and saw that Handshake was proposing Ice Sculptor as a potential career path for me, I knew I had to hear my best friend out.

He thought he had nailed the interview, only to receive a short rejection response just .32 seconds after hanging up through Skype. 

Well, well, well, would you look at that: it’s syllabus policy revenge time.

Lucky for everyone, two measly hours is more than enough time to find and categorize sweaters for over 2000 individuals.