I have a tattoo behind my ear and I’m still scared of needles and do you believe in false dichotomies?

I am fighting for YOUR rights to not be metaphorically —or literally I’m not judging— smacked with dicks of varying sizes in your peripheral vision. 

I swear these are all genuinely overheard.

You'd All Be Too Messy

It's kinda like printing more money but not bad.

Say it to me now: Faresi is not American, he can't vote, let's not harass him about voting

He now goes by Shaikh J.(Jamal) Al-Latif Jaabir

A twist, a sniff, and a flush of red.

Tears ran down my cheeks, yet my mind mustered no thought other than the fact that her breath smelled distinctly of freshly consumed Law-School-provided white claws.

‘you’re so hot! You’re the most professional girl in the world!’ 

I put in so much work into my ice breaker and they literally don’t care if I die or not.

Some things are more beautiful when they are left as ideas.

THIS IS FACETIOUS I PROMISE THIS IS IN JEST THIS IS FROLICSOME ALL IS WELL

From the GSRs, the Wharton students who book them can see every non-Wharton student, but these second-class citizens will never know whether or not they are being watched.

Whatever happened to DEI?

She was colors and light. She was clouds and trees. She was the water my mother drank while we were in her womb. We are twins, could you have guessed?

Read a poem. Write a poem. Make the mistake of starting something new.

Perhaps whatever plastic surgery the keypad of this turnstile got is what fixed all of its problems, and maybe that can be a metaphor for me as well – who will be the plastic surgeon to my heart? 

I mean...what a fucking creep, right?

The majority of what you heard about this writing publication is true: half of us are gay, half of us are going into consulting, all of us are an NYC 8 at least.