We’ll miss you, you crazy kid

Nobody said “no diddy.” It was bad.  

Under the Button would like to distance itself from any alleged associations with the Daily Pennsylvanian at this time.

I don’t know about you guys, but my money's on Fred the alcoholic. I heard that guy can pound ‘em back like there’s no tomorrow!

Kinda crazy no one else thought to do this

“Chill as hell” as in “babe, I just gotta let you know, your uncle Tony is chill as hell.”

Number 4 Will Shock You

Definitely the easiest of the two capitol stormings I have participated in in my lifetime.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation has put together their best team in decades, with several players having used their wishes for basketball lessons from pro stars such as Michael Jordan, Devin Booker, and Blake Griffin.

Dozens of lost souls roam the rainy campus in search of a warm, quiet place to consume pop culture and do vape tricks.

After we literally had sex with each other, Liz excitedly told me about the board’s plans for College Green. 

We are once again asking for your sometimes hilarious applications

His landlord gutted the thing and stapled bed sheets to the interior to give it a nice homey vibe.

I guess one way would be to write for some shitty comedy outlet a few times a week and just delegitimize everything I do in class. 

My friends on the TV were somewhat concerned with the state of the US House of Representatives.

Despite his decidedly insufferable characteristics, I must concede that this kid fucking dripsssss.

And hey, it’s not like Philly is going to do anything about it. One resident close to the demolished shelter said, “This place kinda sucks” when I asked her how she felt about Penn’s most recent expansion.

Adam was enduring his sixth hour at Penn and ninth hour of “family time” that day.

I return to my friends and relay a successful tale of rizz. They are impressed. I have done it again, they say.

We are the ones who put our groupmates to shame with an unprecedented number of Instagram story views last Wednesday evening.