This Positive Psychology Professor Discovered How to Cure Coronavirus With Meditation
Experts have estimated this cure will save at least 100,000 lives worldwide.
Jonah Weinbaum
Sorority Sister Posts Smiling Date Night Photo Despite Family Being Murdered Minutes Before
“My family did all get murdered, and I didn’t really have a good time dancing or whatever, but at least I got a photo that looked good.”
This Positive Psychology Professor Discovered How to Cure Coronavirus With Meditation
Experts have estimated this cure will save at least 100,000 lives worldwide.
OP-ED: Instead of Helping FGLI Kids, Penn Should Support MGHI (Many Generations, High Income) Students
MGHI students will face a unique set of severe problems that the administration has overlooked.
Sorority Sister Posts Smiling Date Night Photo Despite Family Being Murdered Minutes Before
“My family did all get murdered, and I didn’t really have a good time dancing or whatever, but at least I got a photo that looked good.”
Student Beats Dozens of Applicants for Opportunity to Make Penn More Money
“I’m just so excited to be a member of this club,” Lockwood said. “And it is a club, and not just a group of indentured servants working for the same master, because sometimes we have social events.”
New Report Finds Prof. Warren Ewens Was Benjamin Franklin's First Hire
We wish him luck for the rest of his career and hope he retires with at least 500 years of teaching under his belt.
Penn Culture Gone Too Far? This Environmental Club Calls Itself a Frat
Ep Eta has two choices: it can either rebrand itself as simply an environmental club or fully embrace what it means to be a fraternity and make all its members eat bullfrogs.
Old Man in Pottruck Locker Room Definitely Staying Naked for Longer than Necessary
The naked old man, who said his name is Harold but declined to give his last name, said his behavior made complete sense.
How I Blew All $100,000 of My President's Engagement Prize on Luxury Shrimp
I started out with good intentions. My project, Juntos Garajados: Building Garages for Goats in Bolivia seemed positioned to be the next big South American goat garage-building project, and I had my budget down to a T. I knew I was about to change the world.
Tiger Woods Attributes Masters Win to Practice with Pottruck Golf Simulator
If only the simulator had a drunk driving setting or an extramarital affair setting built in, it would be perfect.
OP-ED: Van Pelt Should Be Replaced with a 24-Hour Diner
Until College Green smells like syrup at all hours of the day, this university is not living up to its full potential.
This Week at the Kelly Writers House: Edible, Sex-Positive Zine Workshop
Topics of your zines can include, and are limited to, ethical non-monogamy in Papua New Guinea, the intersectional bisexuality of John Quincy Adams, and the best places to masturbate on campus.
Penn Records Achieves Largest Stamp Collection, Most Balls Juggled
The nation’s only collegiate organization focused only on setting world records.
OP-ED: Penn's Hookup Culture Doesn't Exist, Cuz If It Did I'd Be Slaying Mad Poon
Think about it. If people here really got down and dirty before dating for at least seven months, I, of all people, would be reaping the benefits.
Anime Club Member Deciding Which Body Pillow to Take to Date Night
"Hinata is so beautiful and we have great chemistry, but Sawako is such a good friend and so fun to dance with.”
Penn InTouch Login to Include Sending a Nude Photo to pennintouchdeveloper@upenn.edu
"Sending me nudes is absolutely critical for maintaining the security of Penn in touch. First of all, hackers will be distracted by the nudes and perhaps elect to self-stimulate rather than continuing to hack."
Fraternity Earns Record High Yield After Taking Rushes to the Penn Museum
“Even though the IFC always suggested a trip to the Penn Museum, for some reason I assumed it wouldn’t be as fun as going to New York or Atlantic City"
"Yo what it is fam, tryna bool doe homie?" Says White Boy from Greenwich
Word up, son. Finna hit Potty at nine oh deuce.
Uh Oh, You've Been Spooked by the Ghoul of Bad Advising! Like This Post or Face Seven Years of Course Registration Holds.
BOO! Scared you, didn't I. Now scram! And go like that post or I won't let you register for any courses for a very. long. time.
Garfield Named Presidential Professor of Lasagna
Penn is adding yet another iconic public figure to its esteemed group of Presidential Professors of Practice.
Embarrassing: Penn Is Trying to Pass off a 1998 Dell PC as the ENIAC After Misplacing the Original
The enclosure in Moore where the Electronic Numerical Integrator And Computer (ENIAC) is normally on display now contains a late-20th Century Dell desktop computer.
