Along with using lots of Tupperware, Jenny is extending this mindset to other aspects of her life.

It’s a microcosm of coffee and money. At this point, Penn should look into adding it to its real estate portfolio.

He is experiencing an unparalleled amount of drive that he had not yet embodied during his time at Penn: he must make it on to the Smoke’s plaque.

He is literally my dream guy. You know, if he didn’t do all of those bad things, I guess.

All meetings and conferences held by PBC will take place in the Concourse ball pit.

She’s going to be so moist all the time. Her youthful glow is going to figuratively, and maybe even literally, deflect any and all crusty objects that attempt to penetrate her sweet, slippery face. 

Bursts of hot pink and purple light suddenly beat down upon Fitzgerald as her desire – nay – NEED to spoil her friends with her riches overwhelmed her petite body.

They have dedicated the six weeks until spring break to wholeheartedly morphing into French children. Preparation for the performance includes weekly Parc brunches, mixers with Euro Penn, and developing a rather dangerous addiction to cigarettes.

The three fine arts students created the installation for a final project in hopes of raising awareness that the majority of Penn students have incredibly basic shoe game. 

As I carefully scrutinize men's grammar, hairstyles, and mirror pic to non-mirror pic ratio, I receive a Gmail notification and feel a tingle.

Ladies, on this campus riddled with hand, foot, and mouth disease and midterms-induced greasy hair, we have to prioritize cleanliness when securing a mans for the long, cold winter ahead.

"I guess I’ll go, but if she wears a sash or posts a photo with those obnoxious balloons, I swear to God..."

Duty calls, and sometimes it calls outside the comfort of your apartment's shared toilet.

Sweet, sweet Mark’s Café has its ups (Dibs) and downs (sandwiches, sushi, fruit, coffee), and kettle chips fall right in the middle.

Bring out the big guns and use one or many of these UTI-related exclamations to ward off that creepy guy.

Senior year: the year of lasts, firsts, parties, and the impending doom of transitioning into a somewhat functioning adult.

Listen, don’t take it personally, but I met your parents this weekend, and now it’s extremely clear to me why and how you suck so much. It’s as if I saw the embodiment of anything and everything that’s wrong with you, except heightened.

Forget Stacy’s mom! Stacy’s dad is really the one who’s got it goin’ on.

Boo, bitches. The crisp autumn air means Starbucks menus have flipped and sorority trips to Linvilla Orchards are in full swing. Though with this pleasant change of weather comes another difficult change as classes become more intense for Wharton sophomore Jessica Daniels.

Penn students’ motto is work hard, play harder, right? Our bangers rival those of Playboy’s top party schools, yeah?