Sports for Chicks: Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Sports for Chicks columnist Lily Avnet is back to elucidate baseball for us. And she's just in time, because the Phillies seem to have found themselves in the World Series for the first time in 15 years. Uh...explain please?

If you've turned on the news in the past few days, in between the sinking economy and Palin's abuse of Alaskan government, you may have heard reports of several baseball games. This is because the World Series is fast-approaching. (Note: this title is highly misleading as it only involves America, not the whole world, shocking I know.) The Phillies just knocked out the Dodgers, while the Red Sox have taken on the Rays. Meaning all your friends who follow baseball from Philly, Boston, L.A, and Florida are extremely tense and/or excited right now. So when that guy from down the hall exclaims that Coco Crisp got to third base, he isn't talking about hooking up. Translation? Red Sox player Crisp has, through the use of his brute strength, sent an 80 m.p.h. ball to the out field and sprinted to the third plate.

Sadly, we are not always lucky enough to witness a triple play. So, since baseball can at times be a slow-moving game (even diehard fans admit to this fact), here are some strategies for enduring what is arguably one of the longest sporting events (with nine innings you may have to set aside three and a half hours or more to watch a full game, yawn):

If at all possible, try and ensure that all games you watch are TiVoed. So much of the game is standing around, chewing, spitting, and giving the fans their 5 seconds of screen time. Why watch all of this when the click click click your BFF TiVo will get you through all the fluff of the game?

But of course fast-forwarding is not always an option, especially when your favorite Red Sox fan knows his team has been waiting 80+ years to be this good again. So move on to the next entertainment tactic: examine the line up.

For every player, find their porn star name, their soap opera name, their rapper name, and decide who would play them in a movie. If this does not work try it out on those lucky S.O.B's who got seats behind home plate. If this also doesn't have the desired effect, start drinking! It's completely appropriate considering all the fans are guzzling beer and hot dogs. The rules are up to you. Maybe: first base one shot, second base two shotss, thrid base threee shotz, hmeo rnu fur.....oh sorry, I just blacked out. (I recommend avoiding this method if possible. Please drink responsibly.)

So enjoy this seventh-inning stretch of baseball season because as soon as it's over all you'll have left to enjoy is football. To bad Penn doesn't have a team...oh, wait...