Bachelorette Buzz: Week 2

In case you missed it, the second episode of The Bachelorette aired last night.  This week, between clips of overdramatic music and close ups of dewy roses, Penn dental student Ashley Hebert survived three remarkably weird dates.

William (the one who looks like Prince William but with better teeth) earned the first solo date, which was something of a commitment-phobe’s nightmare.  After flying to Vegas, he met Ashley in some chapel/mall hybrid where they perused wedding cakes, rings and literally walked down the aisle in some sort of mock-ambush wedding joke that really wasn’t a joke. Um, okay.

The second half of the date, which was basically a Disney movie on crack, went a little like this:  While eating dinner on the water, William played the alcoholic dad card, and as their eyes began to glisten, the Bellagio fountains put on a show just for the two of them. Ashley gave William a rose, and then they made out. Yawn.

For the group date, 12 of the guys flew to Vegas and met Ashley in some building with a stage. Enter—THE JABBAWOCKEEZ (you know, those dudes from that once dance show on MTV you watched that one time you were really bored).

After being split into two dance teams—The Best Men (because their dance simulated some strange hip-hop wedding) and No Rhythm Nation (because, well…yeah), the twelve guys competed in a dance off.  Despite the fact that The Best Men had the way better name, No Rhythm Nation won, and The (second) Best Men got sent back home to LA. Bentley (who is essentially Tucker Max II) ended up getting the group date rose, to which he replied, “like seriously, can we just bag this and go play blackjack?” Classy.

On the second one-on-one date, which was decided by the flip of a coin, Mickey showed up to surprise Ashley in Vegas (no wonder she was so happy to see him—donning a baby blue v-neck and black blazer, he resembled a has-been @Theostheostheos).  Blah blah blah, they slow-danced during a private Colbie Caillat concert, made out a little, and then he got a rose.

At that point, The Mask was getting super antsy to finally show his face (not that anyone cared--2/3 of it was already visible anyway).  So as he’s spilling his guts to Ashley in a dark stairwell, about to reveal his true identity (Batman, we hope), in walks Matt. WAY TO RUIN EVERYTHING, Matt. Wutevr.

The focal point of the last half hour was Bentley bitching (“I would literally rather be swimming in pee than trying to plan a wedding with her") while Ashley fawned over his douchebaggery.  They made out a little (the theme of this week’s episode), and Bentley told America “It started out good, but it sucked towards the end.”  We’re not convinced you didn’t spend the first 20 years of your life sucking face with pillows, Bentley.

After all was said and done, Ashley gave the boot to Matt (the moment ruiner), Stephen (the hairstylist) and Ryan M. (the construction estimator). We’re not mad about it.

Stay tuned for next week, when, according to previews, Bentley says things like “I’m going to make Ashley cry. I hope my hair looks okay,” Ashley sobs alone in her morbidly dark, king-sized bed and The Mask vacuums the floor.