Freshmen Say The Darndest Things

Another year, another Freshman Election season.  All of the candidates are now up on the DP's website, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.  While official campaigning doesn't begin until Friday, you can check out their statements for a sneak peek of what's sure to come.

From wordplay-gone-wrong to improbable, if not impossible campaign promises, these freshmen have said it all.  We've found the best gems and have them for you, after the jump!

Ally Del Canal is running for VP of Internal Affairs and believes that "there is no such thing as too much school spirit."  She's been "known to jump on tables" and "start chants in quiet settings," so she's bound to fit right in at Rosenparty!

Ariel S. Koren, Penn15 presidential candidate, proposes a weekly event with a free international dinner with food from a different country.  She also promises monthly dessert receptions and is a fan of Photoshop.  Ariel, we know Penn is amazing but find it highly unlikely you will be able to pay for either of these promises.

Jake Meiner, SAS Class Chair candidate, says "one day you’ll have to pick a major, but for now, pick a MEINER!"  You might want to clarify your pronunciation there, bud!

Willie Stern, Penn15 presidential candidate, begins his statement with a Napoleon Bonaparte quote.  His promises include making "an official frat entry ratio of 1:1," a Franklin Field paint party in the middle of January, and opening Penn's first late night diner.  Maybe later this year, when Willie works up the courage to venture outside of the Quad for the first time, he will discover Philly Diner, a mere two-block walk from his room.

Timothy Cho, running for SAS Class Chair, is "sick and tired of Whartonites getting special treatment" and is longing for a SAS equivalent to the Amazing Cohort Race.  Basically, he is regretting his decision to apply as undecided and will either A) major in Econ from the college or B) join MGMT 100 this Spring.

Bharat "IT'S BARACK WITH A 'T'" Ganju, will "persuade" Kiwi and Wawa to accept DiningDollars (good luck!).  He also doesn't think anyone goes to the dining halls at 6PM.  We have one question for you: have you been to Commons at 6PM?  Have you seen all of the people there?  And Bharat, welcome to Penn, where we will go to your Facebook to get a picture if you don't get one taken as a candidate!

Chris "Sassy Chris" Cortes, is running for UA Rep after having "dreamt for months to wake up one day and withhold the ability to proudly wear the red and blue." Running on a platform of getting cleaner bathrooms, he believes that "a little sass won’t hurt our class! VOTE SASSY CHRIS FOR UA! :D"

Angela Rice, running for Wharton Class Chair, wastes no time letting you know how "that lovely December day when early decisions came out was definitely one of the best days of my life." Her main goal: facilitating friendships, because Wharton kids share a special bond.

Ellery "my name is like Celery" Kauvar, not your typical candidate, is a transfer student from Princeton.  He is seeking stipends for Hill kids so they can buy air-conditioning units for their rooms.  Ellery, we're not sure what the lavish lifestyle was like at Princeton, but you aren't going to get A/C in Hill.  Sorry for your luck!

Jordyn Feingold, wanting to be cool like her Professor who swore on the first day of class, wants everyone to "Vote Jordyn Feingold: I’m Spirited, fun, and I get sh!t done."

Freshmen really do say the darndest things, don't they?  If you spot any more hilarious freshman campaigns, tell us about it at tips@underthebutton.com.